Emotions Don't Have to Lead. You Do.

This week, so much of what I’ve been reflecting on comes back to one thing: emotional intelligence.

We often talk about emotional intelligence like it’s a personality trait, but in truth, it’s a skill—something we learn, practice, and grow into. It’s not just about managing conflict or getting along with people. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to not let every emotion lead you. It’s the difference between reacting and responding, between spiraling and choosing peace.

There are levels to this.

At the first level, we recognize our emotions only after they’ve erupted—anger, disappointment, fear. We see the wreckage and then ask, “Why did I do that?”

At the next level, we notice the emotions as they rise. We might not stop them yet, but we begin to feel the shift: the tightening of the jaw, the lump in the throat, the pressure behind the eyes. Awareness grows.

Then there’s a higher level—emotional regulation. This is when we begin to pause. We name the feeling, but we don’t let it name us. We respond instead of react. We lead ourselves before trying to lead others. That’s growth.

But the highest level?

Transcendence. The place where your emotions no longer surprise you. You meet them with grace. They pass through you, not overtake you. You are aware, but not ruled.

Getting there isn’t easy. It takes honesty. Reflection. Sometimes a journal. Sometimes prayer. Sometimes a therapist. But always, it takes intention.

So today, ask yourself: