The journey to financial wellness after loss isn't just another task on your to-do list—it's part of your healing path. In our heartfelt podcast conversation, I connect with Paula Harris, co-owner of WH Cornerstone Investments, who understands the overwhelming wave of financial decisions that crash down when you're already drowning in grief.
Paula shares from both her heart and expertise how, when the world feels shattered, money matters can feel like the last straw. Yet gently rebuilding your financial foundation becomes an unexpected anchor during these stormy times.
I remember feeling completely lost when facing my own financial decisions after loss. Like many of us, I thought "financial discussions" meant complex spreadsheets and intimidating investment jargon. Paula compassionately reminds us that true financial wellness begins with simple, daily choices that honor both our emotional reality and practical needs.
What You'll Discover in This Episode:
- How the 50-30-20 approach creates breathing room in your budget when you're just trying to breathe through each day
- My personal story with envelope budgeting—how this tactile method can become a surprising source of comfort and control when everything feels chaotic
- Heart-centered ways to include your children in money conversations, honoring their grief while creating family financial resilience
- How aligning spending with your deepest values becomes an unexpected path to healing—when every dollar reflects what truly matters now
Listen to the full podcast here ➡️I'm ready to LevelUp
About Paula Harris
Paula Harris doesn't just understand finances—she understands the human heart in transition. Her guidance weaves together practical wisdom with profound empathy for those navigating the foggy intersection of grief and financial decision-making.
Get Paula's Book
Dear one, remember that financial wellness after loss isn't about getting everything perfect right away. It's about honoring your journey with small, meaningful steps that gradually create a foundation strong enough to hold both your tears and your dreams. I hope this conversation offers a gentle hand to hold as you find your way forward.
The Stopwatch That Changed My Perspective
School mornings in my home are nothing short of orchestrated chaos. If parenting were an Olympic sport, the morning routine would be my qualifying event. Between shepherding my son to early band practice and ensuring my daughter makes it to the bus stop (preferably with matching shoes), my time management isn't just important—it's survival.
This particular morning presented a scheduling puzzle more complex than usual. Their timelines overlapped in a way that made it impossible for me to be in two places at once—a limitation of physics I'm still trying to overcome. My solution was simple: set an alarm on our spare cell phone to remind my youngest when to head to the bus.
As I fumbled through the unfamiliar device, swiping and tapping through a digital maze of apps, I finally located the clock icon. Success! Or so I thought. When I tapped it, instead of the alarm settings I expected, I found myself staring at a stopwatch—one that had been silently running in the background of our lives.
956 hours, 17 minutes, and 4 seconds.
The numbers continued their steady climb upward as I stood frozen, trying to comprehend what I was seeing. Nearly a thousand hours of continuous measurement, quietly documenting time while we went about our lives, completely unaware.
In that moment of discovery, something shifted in my perspective. I called my son over, pointing at the screen with a mixture of awe and excitement. "Look how long this has been running!" The urgency of our morning schedule suddenly felt less important than this unexpected window into time's passage.
Some parents might have stuck to the schedule. But there are moments when wonder deserves precedence over punctuality. So we paused, both of us watching those seconds tick by, willingly "sacrificing timeliness on the altar of discovery and excitement."
Later, after capturing a screenshot of this moment, setting the actual alarm, and completing our morning duties, I found myself alone in the car, mind spinning with possibilities. 956 hours. What does that translate to in the language of life?
39.833 days, to be exact.
Just shy of 40 days—a number that wasn't lost on me. I'd recently been immersed in Dr. Benjamin Hardy's book "Slipstream," wrestling with his perspectives on time and how we move through it. The concept had felt abstract until that moment when those glowing digits on the phone screen made it tangible.
The Sacred Significance of 40 Days
Throughout Scripture, 40 days appears repeatedly as a period of transformation:
- Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness, stripped of comfort but preparing for purpose.
- Noah witnessed 40 days of cleansing rain, the destruction necessary before new life could emerge.
- Moses remained 40 days on Mount Sinai, receiving divine instruction that would guide generations.
- The spies explored Canaan for 40 days, evaluating the promise that lay before them.
- Elijah journeyed 40 days to Mount Horeb, finding strength renewed in the silence.
What struck me wasn't just the numerical coincidence, but the realization that I had just lived through my own 40-day period of unconscious measurement. What had those days contained? What transformation had occurred while that stopwatch silently counted?
July—my birth month—had just passed. Looking back, I realized I'd approached each weekend with unusual intentionality, as if some part of me sensed the significance of this time period even before the stopwatch revealed it. I had entered what I can only describe as my "personal spiritual slipstream," a state of alignment where resistance falls away and movement forward feels both effortless and purposeful.
The Harvest of Intention
Those 956 hours had carried me through moments of clarity I hadn't fully appreciated until now. Conversations that shifted my thinking. Books that challenged my assumptions. Quiet mornings that restored my perspective. The gradual, almost imperceptible refining of my priorities and values.
I emerged from this period with a clearer vision of the quality of life I want to create and the specific steps needed to build it. Not all growth announces itself with fanfare—sometimes it whispers through the ordinary moments of our days until we have the wisdom to recognize it.
This is the beauty of transformation: gains don't always manifest as visible achievements. Sometimes they're spent in preparation, in the quiet cultivation of soil where future harvests will grow. The most significant changes often happen in the spaces between our conscious awareness, in the 956 hours we aren't watching the clock.
Your 40 Days
I wonder now: What might happen if we approached the next 40 days with deliberate intention? If we set our own timers—not to constrain ourselves but to create a container for transformation?
The invitation is simple but profound: What will your next 956 hours hold? What seeds might you plant? What wilderness might you navigate? What instructions might you receive? What promised land might you explore? What renewal might you find?
Set a timer. Not to race against it, but to honor the sacred potential of time passing. The transformation is already happening—the question is whether we're paying attention.
This week, so much of what I’ve been reflecting on comes back to one thing: emotional intelligence.
We often talk about emotional intelligence like it’s a personality trait, but in truth, it’s a skill—something we learn, practice, and grow into. It’s not just about managing conflict or getting along with people. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to not let every emotion lead you. It’s the difference between reacting and responding, between spiraling and choosing peace.
There are levels to this.
At the first level, we recognize our emotions only after they’ve erupted—anger, disappointment, fear. We see the wreckage and then ask, “Why did I do that?”
At the next level, we notice the emotions as they rise. We might not stop them yet, but we begin to feel the shift: the tightening of the jaw, the lump in the throat, the pressure behind the eyes. Awareness grows.
Then there’s a higher level—emotional regulation. This is when we begin to pause. We name the feeling, but we don’t let it name us. We respond instead of react. We lead ourselves before trying to lead others. That’s growth.
But the highest level?
Transcendence. The place where your emotions no longer surprise you. You meet them with grace. They pass through you, not overtake you. You are aware, but not ruled.
Getting there isn’t easy. It takes honesty. Reflection. Sometimes a journal. Sometimes prayer. Sometimes a therapist. But always, it takes intention.
So today, ask yourself:
Are my emotions leading me, or am I leading through my emotions?
Because the truth is—when emotions lead, wisdom waits.
But when wisdom leads, transformation follows.
Keep moving.
This past month, I decided to release all obligations (the PhD, ODTV, and the creation of the new podcast Torch and Table) each weekend and embark on mini-unplanned-impromptu adventures with my family.
I needed to let things be, to release the grip of control and allow life to unfold without my constant management.
It was in this very sacred-very personal-very intentional pause that something unexpected happened.
I got a message:
"Congratulations on reaching 2,500 downloads."
What? How could this be?
I stared at the screen, unbelievably, and laughed out loud - a mixture of shock and joy bubbling from my depths. I assumed there must be some technical error or glitch in the Buzzsprout system. Perhaps the analytics were malfunctioning? But no. I carefully checked the detailed analytics dashboard, and there was the undeniable proof staring back at me. Hundreds of new downloads had accumulated in the span of just one month, all occurring during my complete absence from content creation, without me even releasing a single new episode!
It seemed utterly impossible, defying every conventional wisdom about content creation and audience growth.
And then, an illumination, like a time-lapsed blooming of a purple passion flower, expanded in my soul with breathtaking clarity and emotion.
That message arrived not because I pushed harder, hustled more, or sacrificed my well-being at the altar of productivity. It came precisely because I finally and unwittingly surrendered to the WIDSOM - that sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is nothing at all.
Letting Things Be Doesn't Mean Giving Up
Constant Listener, your purpose doesn't expire when you need to pause - it expands. Purpose deepens in the stillness, taking root in the very soil we fear will wash away if we don't constantly till it. The irony is that our constant motion often prevents the very growth we're seeking.
The wisdom you need to heal, to thrive, to be whole is there. It’s buried beneath the noise of expectation, of comparison, and of the relentless inner critic that masquerades as ambition.
We only need to quiet ourselves enough to hear what our souls have been trying to tell us.
When You Let Things Be, You Discover What You’re Done With
During my silence, I got real loud about what I was done with.
- I'm done with settling for less - financially and spiritually. No more accepting crumbs when I've been created for a feast. No more limiting the imagination of my dreams.
- I'm done giving energy to things that don't move my personal needle. The projects that drain without filling. The relationships that take without giving. The obligations that steal my time without feeding my purpose. The conversations that circle endlessly without leading anywhere meaningful.
- I'm done mistaking output for value. The constant doing, producing, and achieving, floundering over metrics (most of which I do confess, I do not understand) that measure everything except what truly matters. And I'm done with the hustle that almost became my identity instead of a tool to serve my calling.
In my surrender, these realizations liberated me from chains that I didn't even know I was carrying.
When You Let Things Be, You Draw Closer to Yourself
1. I'm Alive ( I always celebrate this)
There was a time I didn't want to be. That's hard to write. Harder to say. But truer than anything I've known. And I'm still here. Not just existing, but truly living. Breathing with purpose. Moving with intention. Feeling everything - the pain, the joy, the uncertainty - and understanding that my ability to feel it all is the greatest gift I could have received. I've come to cherish this aliveness, this raw and beautiful experience of being fully present in my own life. This moment is mine, and my life continues to unfold with possibilities I couldn't see when darkness clouded my vision.
2. I'm Dreaming Bigger.
Not just dreaming safe. Dreaming bigger. Dreaming without the boundaries I once placed around my own potential. Dreaming with the audacity that comes from surviving what I thought would break me.
Seven years ago, I just wanted to retire from the classroom and impact my students. I placed careful limits around what I believed was possible, what I deserved, and what I could achieve without risking too much disappointment.
Now? I've got listeners in the Philippines, France, Canada, and the UAE. People I've never met, who wake up in time zones I've never visited, are listening to my words, finding resonance in my story, seeing themselves in my journey.
Me? From my living room? Absolutely, my voice is no longer contained within the confines of the classroom; it now reaches across oceans in real time. The message of confidence no longer echoes solely within the souls of my former students, and that Constant Listener is a destiny unfolding in ways I couldn't have orchestrated if I tried.
3. I Found More of Me.
I've grown. I've expanded. I'm full. Not with achievements or accolades, though they've come. Not with validation or approval, though I've received them. I'm full with something far more precious - a profound sense of wholeness that doesn't depend on external circumstances.
With heart. With the kind of strength you don't measure in pounds lifted, but in silence endured and hope held. With the quiet certainty that comes from walking through fire and emerging not just intact, but illuminated. With the wisdom earned through surrender, through letting go, through trusting the process even when it made no logical sense. I've discovered parts of myself I never knew existed - depths of resilience, wells of compassion, reservoirs of creativity that only revealed themselves when I stopped forcing and started flowing.
Let Things Be, Then Hold Yourself Close.
We chase too much. We prove too much. We exhaust ourselves trying to be - too much.
Letting things be isn't laziness or giving up. It's not walking away from your dreams. It's alignment at its purest—stepping into the ocean current of your own truth and allowing it to carry you where you're meant to go.
When you finally align with that inner knowing, the gains will overflow:
- In your peace.
- In your posture.
- In your purpose.
- In your relationships.
- In your creativity.
Be still so you can hear the truth and be present so you can expand beyond the boundaries fear has placed around your potential.
Let things be, Constant Listener. And watch what blooms in the garden of your surrender.
Life's toughest knock-downs may send you into hiding, but remember, there's a YOU that's ready to bounce back. I've walked this path, tried to erase my own presence, but the NEW YOU has other plans. There's no going back to the old ways of thinking, the familiar patterns that once held comfort. Life has a way of moving us forward, and our task is to welcome the journey. So wave goodbye to the old, and open your arms to the NEW. It's time to grow, to explore, to find your JOY.
Here are seven tips to support the emergence of your TRUE, authentic SELF, as you embark on a new chapter.
- Turn Off the TV and Engage YourselfIn the thick of change, it's easy to lose yourself in a world of screens. But here's a thought: Switch OFF the distractions and dive INTO you. Write, cook, walk, breathe! This is YOUR moment, uninterrupted. It's the perfect time to reflect, to dissect where you ARE and where you WANT to be. It's a journey of SELF-DISCOVERY, and it's all about growth. So, engage with YOU. You might be surprised at the clarity that comes with it. Change and growth? They're in your hands.
- Experiment with Something New in the KitchenDive INTO a culinary adventure! How about Indian cuisine? I've ventured there, and it's more than just a change of pace; it's a FLAVOUR EXPLOSION! Cooking is a journey of discovery and an invitation to step beyond the familiar. It's not just about the food; it's about embracing CHANGE and savoring the deliciousness of NEW EXPERIENCES. So, what are you waiting for? Fire up those burners, and let's get COOKING!
- Learn a New Skill (Even if It’s Just a Curious Thought)Ever had that "What if...?" moment? That might just be the SPARK you need to ignite your new passion. Maybe it's clicking that camera shutter, nailing that yoga pose, or captivating a crowd with your words. Whatever tickles your curiosity, don't let it fade into the background. Chase it, no matter how tiny or unsure it may seem. Embracing the unknown is a powerful tool for personal GROWTH, boosting your confidence and propelling you towards even greater heights.
- Attend a Free Networking EventTake a CHANCE to GROW and CONNECT! You, yes, YOU, can step into a sea of fresh ideas and opportunities at FREE networking events! It might seem daunting, but remember, YOU'RE NOT ALONE in this journey. Unleash your potential and OPEN DOORS you never knew existed. Dive in and meet others who are riding their own waves of change. This is YOUR MOMENT. Grab it!
- Try Journaling About Who You Want to BecomeTransform your thoughts into something tangible. Grab a journal, and let's create YOUR future self. Picture this: What values are you living by? What habits have you nurtured? What goals are you smashing? This isn't about squeezing into a mold but about embracing the NEW YOU that's emerging as you leave the past behind. Use journaling to make this journey REAL. Let it guide you; let it inspire you. This is YOUR journey. Own it.
- Do Something Physical, Recreational, and Fun with FamilyGet out there and MOVE with the ones you LOVE! The NEW YOU want to embark on outdoor adventures that bond, heal, and energize. What about a leisurely walk around the block, a family picnic at the park, or a trip to the nearby lake? These are moments of CONNECTION and JOY, the building blocks of precious MEMORIES. Step outside and let life FLOW through you as you journey together into the NEW.
- Declutter Your Physical SpaceReimagine YOUR space, reimagine YOUR mind. Ever noticed how a messy room mirrors a messy mind? It's time for a fresh start. Out with the old, in with the new! Toss or donate the things that aren't serving YOU anymore. Just like you're doing with worn-out habits and thoughts. Let's get cleaning and organizing to bring back that sense of control. Feel the weight lift as you step into a decluttered space. A clean slate for a clear mind. Embrace this opportunity to FOCUS on what truly matters. Welcome to the NEW you.
This isn't about turning your world upside down in a day—it's about trying on new ways of being that fit the person you're becoming. Shed what's holding you back like an old, worn-out coat. Give yourself the permission to play, to try new things, to lean into your growth. The NEW YOU is ready to be unveiled. Time to step into the spotlight of your life with CONFIDENCE and clarity.
